i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
