Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize