Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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