I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
