Rock
Scissors
Fuck
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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