i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
