It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
