I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't deserve a penis
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
