I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize