i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
