I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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