I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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