And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
