life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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