I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
