I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
