and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
