at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
one might say we're banned from that church
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
