i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
