The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize