is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
