so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
