I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
