Jerry, you need to find god
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
