In America we eat man semen.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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