Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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