So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
