And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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