I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
