chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
