I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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