How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
