Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
