the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
