"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
