i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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