her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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