Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
