so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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