JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
