um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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