Welp...herpes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
