seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
