I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
