Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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