Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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