I think I am morally bankrupt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize