And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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