What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
God I need to hump something, right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
