Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize