i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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