something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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