what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
