The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
