I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
