Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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