Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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