im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know her cup size but not her name....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
