I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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