I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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