oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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