people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
