If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
