Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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