And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
