Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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