Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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