Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
