I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
