Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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