You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
